Something is wrong here
I don't belong here.
Fuck, a bad thing has happened.
I have been visiting this site called queendom.com.
It is a bunch of stories from mostly women about specific topics.
Topics like, divorce, abuse, pain etc... you know, real life shit.
I came across a board on SI (self injury).
It clearly states to be aware that reading the posts could be triggering.
Really it has been a long time since I have actively injured myself, at least cutting.
There are however other ways that I cause bodily harm.
The only one that my friends know about is my pleasure in the pain that tattooing gives me.
I like tattoos and enjoy working on the art that I am going to have inked on my body.
But I really enjoy the pain, and I understand why.
I would explain it, but what I have discovered is that people either get it or don't.
So you either have already nodded your head in understanding or you are shaking it in confusion.
I have another major physical SI thing that I do.
I have tried to stop, and find that I do it unconsciously.
After reading all of the posts on queendom I can admit that I do some form of SI.
Really this is the first time I have admitted it in words.
I guess this is my first step.
Just like my good ole AA days...Admitted we were powerless and needed help.
So there you go, I have let you in.
I am not the person that you all think you know.
This is me.
http://www.queendom.com/kettle/self-injury/k_selfinj.html
Fuck, a bad thing has happened.
I have been visiting this site called queendom.com.
It is a bunch of stories from mostly women about specific topics.
Topics like, divorce, abuse, pain etc... you know, real life shit.
I came across a board on SI (self injury).
It clearly states to be aware that reading the posts could be triggering.
Really it has been a long time since I have actively injured myself, at least cutting.
There are however other ways that I cause bodily harm.
The only one that my friends know about is my pleasure in the pain that tattooing gives me.
I like tattoos and enjoy working on the art that I am going to have inked on my body.
But I really enjoy the pain, and I understand why.
I would explain it, but what I have discovered is that people either get it or don't.
So you either have already nodded your head in understanding or you are shaking it in confusion.
I have another major physical SI thing that I do.
I have tried to stop, and find that I do it unconsciously.
After reading all of the posts on queendom I can admit that I do some form of SI.
Really this is the first time I have admitted it in words.
I guess this is my first step.
Just like my good ole AA days...Admitted we were powerless and needed help.
So there you go, I have let you in.
I am not the person that you all think you know.
This is me.
http://www.queendom.com/kettle/self-injury/k_selfinj.html
posted by Internet_chick at 9:46 PM
1 Comments:
That is a huge step, putting a name to behavior that way. I imagine it's a scary step, too.
I've never engaged in cutting, so I'm not going to pretend I completely understand, but I do have weird little... I guess I would call them "calming behaviors" that help release pressure, which I have heard is one of the reasons for SI behavior. I hope that you will seek help if you don't feel you have that under control, and I hope that the online community you have tapped into (I LOVE Queendom.com, by the way) can provide you with some comfort and assistance.
Hang in there, Julie. You've had a bunch of rain in the past year (well, more than the last year), but I think those double-rainbows were a predictor of good things to come for you.
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