Beginning of the END?!?!?
Ok so now that I am writing this for a second damn time......
So today, starts out as usual...Morning call from Liisa.
It is when I hung up that my day totally changed. The phone rang or shall I say the coo koo ringer went off. It was John. Up nice and early ready to talk about "US". Man please dont start my morning off like this, the Lexapro hasnt even had time to kick in yet. But I can be (note the words CAN BE) compassionate and very understanding. So I listened to his feelings and thoughts. It was hard to hear him cry. I know that all of this is neccessary to get to where we need to be. I just wasnt prepared to hear him say that he is willing to do whatever it takes as an alternative to divorce. WOW. He asked and asked that I go to counseling with him. Funny how I was just reading a e-mail from him that was from December and January that clearly states there will be no counseling. At that point I had to say to him "no counseling=over". So then he get's to play victim. WONDERFUL.
Ok......I had so many calls from him today. So many e-mails. I totally understand what he is saying and where he is coming from. But what do I feel? I feel like I am very independant again. And as Liisa would say I am the person that I used to be when he and I met. He is attracted to that, but once he has it, he breaks it down. Today I had all the charm and manipulation used on me. Buy a house, get a new car.....how he would be gone at least 6 months out of the year. Appealing?
But all the chaos and fear. He said everything right today. My fairytale self wants to buy in, but I think it is too late.....................
Cheers~
So today, starts out as usual...Morning call from Liisa.
It is when I hung up that my day totally changed. The phone rang or shall I say the coo koo ringer went off. It was John. Up nice and early ready to talk about "US". Man please dont start my morning off like this, the Lexapro hasnt even had time to kick in yet. But I can be (note the words CAN BE) compassionate and very understanding. So I listened to his feelings and thoughts. It was hard to hear him cry. I know that all of this is neccessary to get to where we need to be. I just wasnt prepared to hear him say that he is willing to do whatever it takes as an alternative to divorce. WOW. He asked and asked that I go to counseling with him. Funny how I was just reading a e-mail from him that was from December and January that clearly states there will be no counseling. At that point I had to say to him "no counseling=over". So then he get's to play victim. WONDERFUL.
Ok......I had so many calls from him today. So many e-mails. I totally understand what he is saying and where he is coming from. But what do I feel? I feel like I am very independant again. And as Liisa would say I am the person that I used to be when he and I met. He is attracted to that, but once he has it, he breaks it down. Today I had all the charm and manipulation used on me. Buy a house, get a new car.....how he would be gone at least 6 months out of the year. Appealing?
But all the chaos and fear. He said everything right today. My fairytale self wants to buy in, but I think it is too late.....................
Cheers~
posted by Internet_chick at 9:47 PM
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