Life gets juicy today
My guard is dropping so I am feeling free to express myself.
Today I let John have it, in a controlled manner of course. I explain how horrible he has been to Delaine. Not only explain but give examples that cannot be denied. He should feel awful for the way that he treated her and the fact that she still calls him dad. What a fucked up sense of love I say. It is all up to me to pave a better road for my child. A path that will be free of adult bullshit, and full of childhood innocence, this is my duty as a parent. A duty that his parents chose not to take on, and the State of Oregon did no better. That is what makes me furious about this entire ordeal, that an adult can be so selfish as to treat a child like crap. The cycle continues, I want it to stop now. As the discussion furthers, I point out that if for no other reason alone, we will not be together because of the his mistreatment of my daughter. You see she means that much to me, I will sacrifice. John felt like crap, and he should feel like crap for a long time as far as I am concerned.
Conversation part two-
Admission that I slept with someone else in February. He had been teetering on asking me for quite some time, I could tell. Today was the day, he asked, I told. I asked if he knew I had done it by the way I was acting. He said that his friends had told him about "the signs". So of course that was a good excuse for him to screw two chicks himself. One of which was calling him and in love with him up until he came back the first time in April. What makes me sick is that I didn't cry or get angry. Does that mean something?
Anyways..............
Today I let John have it, in a controlled manner of course. I explain how horrible he has been to Delaine. Not only explain but give examples that cannot be denied. He should feel awful for the way that he treated her and the fact that she still calls him dad. What a fucked up sense of love I say. It is all up to me to pave a better road for my child. A path that will be free of adult bullshit, and full of childhood innocence, this is my duty as a parent. A duty that his parents chose not to take on, and the State of Oregon did no better. That is what makes me furious about this entire ordeal, that an adult can be so selfish as to treat a child like crap. The cycle continues, I want it to stop now. As the discussion furthers, I point out that if for no other reason alone, we will not be together because of the his mistreatment of my daughter. You see she means that much to me, I will sacrifice. John felt like crap, and he should feel like crap for a long time as far as I am concerned.
Conversation part two-
Admission that I slept with someone else in February. He had been teetering on asking me for quite some time, I could tell. Today was the day, he asked, I told. I asked if he knew I had done it by the way I was acting. He said that his friends had told him about "the signs". So of course that was a good excuse for him to screw two chicks himself. One of which was calling him and in love with him up until he came back the first time in April. What makes me sick is that I didn't cry or get angry. Does that mean something?
Anyways..............
posted by Internet_chick at 8:56 PM
3 Comments:
Can you say DRAMA?! Damn, woman. Anyway, you seem to look back and find fault from the beginning. But you are very focussed on John. I wonder if you have the perspective to see your responsibilty. I bring this up because a balanced view will help you balance your view...and I'm serious. It's all about climbing Maslow's pyrimid... or Jacob's ladder.
Goodnight. Dream of me tickling you until you piss your clownsuit.
~J
Following your dream from J., I hope that you dream that you change out of your soiled clownsuit and into fresh clothes after you take a shower. ;-)
I'm just glad that you are taking Delaine's advice and ridding yourself of John. I think J.'s right in that you're focusing on John too much - while he's still technically your husband, in the scheme of things, he's somewhat irrelevant.
You are the center of your own life and the lives of your children. You will fill the time between now and some unknown future point with as much happiness and security as possible for you and your kids, and at that future point, you won't even remember why it took you so long to leave him for good. And the best part is, once you are truly free of John, you will be able to open yourself up to new people and hopefully joyful experiences... which is where happiness and security will come from.
I'm excited for you. I hope you are excited, too, even if this feels like the scary new unknown.
Oh I keep forgetting Voody, you were the fly on the wall during all those therapy session I had!
~Julie
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