Fishing Trip

Later in the day yesterday I started to suffer what I call a mix of allergies and cold symptoms. These two things together are a awful combination for me and can take me from a great productive day to lying in bed wallowing. Yesterday was that type of a day. John came over late afternoon as to work on the "respondent" paperwork on our divorce. Unfortunately I felt so bad that my nose was literally dripping snot, and I was sneezing inbetween the drips. Any progress that we seemed to have made the day prior had been lost. I had no energy nor patience for this type of discussion. That is when the fishing trip started. I wont go into details, because they are irrelevant. What I will say is that at some point in February I called John when I was upset. Some situations that had occurred in my life at that time made me question the path that I was taking with my marriage. Out of fear, sadness and confusion I called on him. Totally inappropriate. He wanted to know what had happened to cause such feelings. I vaguely answered and I realized that this was not the person that I should be talking to. For that, he had many a nights to ponder my "vague" situation. Last night was the time for him to fish me. Fishing is when you ask a question that you know you wont get the answer you are looking for, which leads you to even more bullshit. The kind of crap that starts a fight. He did, all progress suddenly lost. I began to spiral down into those confusing feelings I once felt every day in our marriage.
If I had never called him and talked to him we wouldn't be here right now. I admitted that much. What I clearly wont take responsibility for is, what he chose to do with what I told him and how he is deciding to treat me now. Fortunately we worked through this issue. BTW he admitted to the fishing trip.
Today I am still a mixed bag of emotions. Confused, yet confident that I am doing the right thing. Scared of failure? Yes. Fear of financially being able to make it? Yes.
One of the most important things that I heard today was this "Julie, I don't like to say this or admit it, but I think that you divorcing my ass is the right thing to do".

Cheers~