Trust
I cant stop looking at the horizon when the sun sets each night. Hoping that each day I have spent on this earth will become suddenly clearer. Desperate to make some type of sense out of the constant misery that I find sensible and comforting in my life. Sometimes, just sometimes I stand on the outside of my world and look in, simply to observe. Analyzing each choice and the process I took to get there. At times I can say it's no wonder I have been married twice now, twice failed that is. Then I get a glimpse of the person that I show the world. As if it were my alter ego, the part of me that can take charge and be the adult, but what dwells within remains a secret. Remains a secret as to not create unneccessary concern, this is the life I have been molded into. And it is mine to embrace. I am not depressed, I am not suicidal, my issues are around controlling my feelings. Trusting myself that when I let them out they will not engulf my being. Trust, yes trusting myself.
posted by Internet_chick at 9:00 PM
1 Comments:
As someone who hauls around a full set of "trust issues" baggage, I'm not going to tell you there's an easy path; if there is, I have yet to stumble across it.
But as to your statement that you have been twice married, twice failed... I think perhaps Mary Pickford said it best: "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
For what it's worth, I also like: "The only real failure in life is one not learned from." (Anthony J. D'Angelo)
As mired in confusion as you are now, don't you feel like you understand yourself better at this point than you did a year ago, five years ago?
Each experience shapes the person you are, and the person you are is someone who is capable of accomplishing anything, of being offered just what you had hoped for in the past *and realizing that you now want something better.* That's amazing! I say, celebrate the woman you once were, make a toast to the past, and try to look forward to a future in which your new and better dreams - even the ones you can't articulate to yourself yet - come true.
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